Addiction

I've come to realize that I think I understand addiction. Like a true, serious problem that does your body no good. I once had to do a counseling session in college. It was for some class requirement. We were to attend a few sessions by another student who was practicing to be a counselor. There wasn't much I needed coumseling on. She asked me lots of basic questions about me, my family, stuff like that. Alcohol was a topic of conversation at one point. I suppose, young college girl, it was only assumed that I went out and partied. Which I did do my fair share of. She asked if anyone in my family had issues with alcohol addiction. I responded truthfully with a "yes." Then she said something that I took major offense to. She told me that addiction was hereditary and that based on how much I told her I drink, I could consider myself an alcoholic. I was furious by that. I knew there was no way I was an alcoholic. I don't think I went back for my final session. Looking back, I know I wasn't addicted to alcohol. That was just a time in my life where I was young and dumb. I know I wasn't addicted because I didn't think about it constantly. I didn't crave my next drink. I didn't drink all alone when no one else was around. I didn't have one drink and then not stop until I made myself sick (ok, I might have done that a time or two...but it was because I was dumb, not a drunk.) I didn't look for liqour in odd places like cough medicine. But, looking back, I can honestly say I have an addiction. Just not to alcohol. I've come to realize that I have a serious addiction problem to sugar. No joke. I get a craving and it's all I can think about. I find sugar in odd places like a bag of chocolate chips, my kids' fruit smacks or sugary breakfast cereals. I don't buy hardly any candy or cookies but I can find something to curb my sugar addiction if I have to. And then I cant stop. Once I've had one tiny taste I will eat the entire box. I will have the entire bag of chocolate chips. I will eat the entire loaf of banana bread. I will eat it when no one is watching so I don't get judged. And I cant stop until I have this disgustingly gross feeling in my stomach and am practically sick. It's. A serious addiction. There should be an AA meeting for that. I started this journey and was sugar-free for five weeks straight. I felt awesome and lost about 14 pounds. The last two weeks have not been so great. I've indulged in sugar and sweets more times than I want to admit. A bag of M&Ms. Not a treat sized bag. The large bag that you buy to set out in a candy dish. An entire bag of rolos. Probably 3/4 a loaf of zucchini bread. Countless bags of fruit snacks. Three or four chocolate chip granola bars in one sitting on more than one occassion. My daughter's birthday cake in the form of one GIANT piece. Oh and dont forget the cake batter and spoonfuls of frosting as I was making it. Yuck. It's giving me a headache just thinking about all this. But no more. I'm stopping cold turkey. I've done great today and will continue like this from now on. I'm not sure if there will ever be a time where I can control it and just have sugar in moderation. Hopefully some day bit for now it's mist something that I wont eat. Somehow through all of this I managed to maintain my 14 pound loss. But I'm ready to see the scale move again in a downward direction! Thanks for listening to my crazy disgusting sugar addiction habit. It feels good to be honest!